Saturday, February 19, 2011

Emotional Jolts!

I'm trying to prepare for this phase in my live I'm calling RENEWMENT!  Decided to go out for Chinese food.  Received my "fortune cookie."  As soon as I read the written words, a flurry of emotions took over and so the  tears emerged as I read this simple  phrase - "Passion is in all great searches and is necessary to all creative endeavors."

For my entire career journey, I've been great at listening to others and providing support about change in one's life. Now that I'm at crosswords, I can't seem to wrap myself around everything I know about transitions and loss.  The pain within really hurts.

My friends, family & colleagues are so happy for my "retirement."  They look to the day, they can enjoy this phase in their lives.  Many ask if I'm counting the days! My response is an emphatic "no!" It seems like no one really understands what lies deep within my heart.  I'm surrounded by so much love and understanding; yet I feel so, so alone in this process. Al, my soulmate, is there for me unconditionally.  He's been retired for several years and certainly looks forward to our life journey together. I almost lost him to cancer.  He is an amazing  man and has made such a difference in my career pathway.  Without him, I would be working in a factory or clerical position.  It's because of him that the hidden passions/inner light were ignited within.

Words cannot capture the life-long learning that led me through 30+ great educational experiences including Aurora City Schools. 

Spring will be here soon.  For me this means my time to walk away and venture into the unknown is fast approaching. I don't know how to say, "goodbye" to teachers, colleagues and students. I know I will find a way. For now, I'm struggling.

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